My life is in the midst of transition. It feels like hell.. lots of turmoil and as I look forward, I see nothing but a blank wall. It's a season of change. One day I'm up and then I'm down. I have plans that excite me and then fear sets in. Some aliens came and stole some of my brain matter. They hail from the planet Hormone. I've been left in a fog but I understand it's not permanent. Yup.
All kidding aside, though.... I quit my work-from-home dream job that became a living nightmare. My prospects of future work given the demographics of where I live are not good. I live in the country. I live in a French village and the province I live in is bilingual. I have a skilled trade that I worked hard at for over 20 years and when I came to this place (that I still love) I went to 'ZERO' as far as employment goes. I'll never work at the level I once did and I'm eyeing early retirement. That just sounds so surreal.
I have no regrets quitting my job. I was torture and I'll not go on about it. Let's just say that it was a no brainer proving just cause for quitting and I was accepted to receive employment insurance. I hate it so much but grateful for it.
Recently, our beloved dog Mikey and best friend in the world got very sick and we tried to save him but we couldn't. It's a huge loss. My hubs is devastated as they were so close. Our blind guy, Colby really misses him, too. We're trying to keep him busy with play time but the weather's been miserable so it's a challenge. We're making sure to give him lots of love and cuddles. Time will help to ease the pain. It's only been one week.
So, that's it. I know this is just a season. Better things are in store and I'm still so very thankful for so many things. I'm thankful I'm not in that abusive work relationship. It was horrible. I'm thankful that I have EI (really thankful). I'm thankful that I have my hubs and my Colby, and CeCe, my cat, too. I can tell she misses Mikey cause she's not being bad to the bone at all. I mean, she hasn't even scratched my favorite vintage red chair since Mikey 'went away'.
oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I am feeling your pain! You have been on my mind for the last couple of days.
ReplyDeleteI had just finished doing the dishes and made my way to the computer. I was gonna email you to see how you were. I had a suspicion....things were not well.
Chin up....this too will pass....I will try to keep in touch better.....you are missed in blogland.
Thanks, Melissa! I've been faithfully following your blog and others. I don't think my situation compares to yours but it's really not about that, is it? I know many who are struggling with things.
ReplyDeleteI read your most recent blog entry and glad to see things are looking up for you, even in the face of uncertainty. We have much in common. I know I'll grow from this and land in a much better place. I have plans and must work on making those plans concrete.
Can you relate when I tell you that I can't get my focus on one thing? I'm all over the map and frequently find myself stopping to massage my forehead, trying to organize what it is I need to do (which is too much for me right now).
Yes, you are right... it WILL pass. I've been through worse things than this and I always land on my feet. I shall prevail. LOL
Hugs Michelle
ReplyDeleteI know how much it hurts to lose a friend like Mikey.
Just take one task at a time and put the rest on the back burnner. It's a way I use when I feel overwhelmed by too many taskes.
Things will be foggy for awhile in your tunnel of hormones - you just sort of have to go with it. I find myself sitting at my desk at school wondering what am I supposed to be doing? I get a little panicky until I find a task to "look busy" with. I thought it was just because I'm a Gemini that I'm all over the place, start a million things, finish nothing - but it's also the hormones. I feel like I should be able to work harder than I am but in the next moment I think "who cares?"
ReplyDeleteSo all of this is just a round-about way to say I empathize with you Michelle. Unfortunately there's no magic pill (though I'm trying black cohosh for hot flashes...to no avail), only TIME. Time heals all things and it does...eventually.
I like the photos of Mikey - he looks like such a lovely dog - he has such an understanding face.
Hugs
I wonder what to do first too, like now. I should be doing a host of things. Instead I came to the computer. It just seems easier and funner. I like using that word because it really isn't a word.
ReplyDeleteThe kids are coming along with my MIL and BIL . I feel overwhelmed at the work. I am not a good planner, or organized at all. I know I have to be to get things done and that part is stressing me out!!!!!!!!
I hate Christmas baking. It tastes, better and with the brood coming home to eat home cooked meals, well, the expectation is there.....I have always had a hard time Christmas baking. I remember having a fit, and balling my brains out on Christmas eve trying to bake some dammed cookies.....
Well, perhaps there's comfort in numbers, although having a group pity party accomplishes diddly squat.
ReplyDeleteI'm so dragging my butt but the horrors of accumulating dust and hidden pockets of fur is my current motivator.
MIchelle, congratulations on finally leaving that job. I know there's probably some stress there but it really was abusive. Very sorry to hear about your dear dog. Merry Christmas to you and your family and best wishes in the near year.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marguerite! I have no regrets leaving that situation. And I wish you the same for the season and onwards... health, peace and prosperity.
ReplyDelete